Pondering the Power of a Kind Word

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

                        - Mark Twain

Most recent events left me pondering the power of a kind word.  I find it perplexing that we playfully rib one another with little jibes and seem more comfortable in that arena rather than when another person offers an observation that reflects the sheer goodness in oneself.  The receiver seems to wrestle with the kind word in a far greater way than the jibe.

We all know that those playful cracks can be taken too far resulting in conflict. We see in some belligerent fool that feels horrible about their life and is compelled by that sensation to tear everything down around them so others can join in their rubble. The belligerent fool inferences are limited to the lines they walk on and they imply with a sharp and condescending measure that nothing more or less is relevant and posture with such force that it is a wager of war to oppose.  I am not talking about that.

We all know that cowardly belittler that makes those barbed remarks about others not because they are processing disagreement and vent their frustration in the confines of safety but those perpetually contentious individuals that are motivated by the same tear down as the belligerent fool but replaces the implication of passion with deceit. They are the bats in the dispute of the beasts and the birds always taking the side of who stands before them and cutting down those that are not. That is not what I am talking about.

What I talk about is that playful verbal joust you engage in with a friend or a friendly. The adversarial poke is not with a sharp sword that was just found to stab at you but with a walking stick you carved together and you have willfully saved,with goodness, the story of each groove.  The joust where one has banked that camaraderie savings of good will. It is a wonderful play most of the time. It can be essential to share the absurdity of situations or character traits with fun and laughter but not always. What happens if it falls into the not always? 

Most recently I had a conversation with a person I know about the boundaries of human nature. They stated that they believe it was human nature when others were uncomfortable; to tear down what made them uncomfortable. This person is one of the best people I have ever met and demonstrates the goodness of human nature by example. They would be uncomfortable with that complement. They would rather be teased about this or that in a playful manner than be offered this observation or it would seem.

I used to be in a position where I had opportunity to watch some celebrities interact with sick children. The children were sometimes paralyzed by the situation. I sometimes found myself consoling the celebrity because the reaction to their presence didn’t appear to be positive. After the person left, I watched the brightness of the child light up as they told stories about the visit.  I wonder if a kind word is like that?

My best friend will sometimes cut through the chaos of life and state to me with complete conviction, “You are great.” I remember feeling as paralyzed as those children wrestling with the delivery of the kind words but later feeling a little shine return to my perspective. I now make sure I offer him the same sentiment with different words but always with identical conviction. Why did it initially make me uncomfortable? 

I am sometimes uncomfortable stating the positive about people. I sense this immense shine around me and I want to celebrate that part of humanity but feel embarrassed telling another how great I think they are. I occasionally resort to inaction and offer a smile with a good morning. Maybe I’ll buy them a coffee and a donut. Even when I notice chaos has entered their life I should just tell them that I noticed how great they are but I don’t always do that.  I don’t always do that because I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable and consequently feel awkward myself. I have concluded that this is a mistake. 

I think about the ultimate effect of the visiting celebrity with those little kids or my buddy’s kind words. In the moment, lack of comfort can out way seeming effect. Those that put themselves out might not see the positive effect of their kind actions or words but I believe that they seep into the moments where the jovial jibes between friends are not enough and when life is more difficult. It is there when people can recall the kindness. I believe that human nature is more about building than tearing down. It just takes more courage and consideration to construct.

The times I have been uncomfortable about kind words are not about what is intrinsically natural but are the extrinsic callouses of dealing with perceived truth but the real truth is we all need people to offer those kindnesses that are anchored in real observation and experience.  So don’t be afraid to receive or return them. Imagine if you missed an opportunity that was really needed?

                                                         

To all those I love and care about; you inspire goodness in me. That is the catalyst I use to try and inspire goodness in others so I think you are absolutely wonderful

… enough of the time.